Hi, I'm Adam.
Hi, I'm Joe.
Joe.
Joe.
Joe.
That's nice.
I would like to thank you for choosing.
Please have your headsets ready for... Adam and Joe.
Joe.
Joe.
Coming through loud and clear.
Hello, yes, this is XFM.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow!
Have they done some special eye dents for us?
No, um, I did it.
Wow!
I thought we needed a special eye dent in the style of the XFM eye dents.
Yeah, it's exciting.
Well, I'm gonna try and make it more complicated.
What, as the weeks go on?
Yeah, longer and more complicated, so in the end- That, that, that, that, that, allow, allow, that sort of thing.
Yeah, exactly.
Confused, rocky.
Check, check.
Ready to go?
Yes.
Okay, Gary, that kind of thing.
What about the XFM one that goes, um, uh, what is it?
He's sort of stumbling, isn't he?
Going, uh, what am I going to say next?
Uh, we're in London.
Yeah, there's a few.
We should get some of that in.
Okay, we'll get, we'll work on it some next week.
Something like, I don't know what I'm doing.
Like that.
That's good, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, we should have recorded that.
Hey, Joe, are you ready for the show?
No.
Nah, but who cares?
XFM.
Yeah, brilliant.
And then they'll end up around seven minutes.
and then we won't have to speak, we'll just have stings.
Sting.
So, look, you know I did the show on my own last week?
I did, I listened, and, uh- That was great.
I got about halfway from the end, and then I went through a tunnel, and when I came out the other side, I could no longer hear you.
I gave tickets away to the premiere of, uh, Finding Neverland.
I heard it!
To a very sweet little girl.
She was gonna dress as a fairy.
Yeah, she did, and she went along, and, uh, she was called Lucy, and she went along dressed as a fairy, and she's emailed us to say thank you.
What a lovely email.
and uh... what a lovely email uh... i can't why it's kind of quite you know it's just not that exciting it's a lovely email but we don't really do lovely do we come on we should start
Dear Joe, just wanted to let you know what a fantastic time me and my mummy had on Sunday night at the Finding Neverland premiere.
Thanks so much for giving me the tickets.
We met lots of nice people and I met Johnny Vegas and had my picture taken with him.
I also met the man from the office, the one that loves the receptionist.
That'd be Martin Freeman.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He was really nice and has a lovely smile.
The film was nice and my mummy cried.
I wore my fairy outfit and my suede pink boots.
My mummy said I was a fairy with attitude.
I took lots of pictures and will send you one of me in my dress.
Thank you once again, love from Lucy, age date, big XFM fan.
can.
P.S.
I was born in 1996, but you didn't have it on your list, so I had to put 1991.
I guess that's the thing you do when you email us.
But that's nice, isn't it?"
Ricky and Steve laugh.
If you want to tell us to shut up and play some music, you can text us all through the show on 83XFM, uh, or email us at adamandjoe at xfm.co.uk.
All emails and texts are read, and the rude ones do have a small debilitating effect on our confidence in psychology.
That's true.
Well, uh, we've got a new competition this week.
We've got two new competitions, but I did a competition as well.
Did you?
Yeah.
What's your one?
So after weeks with no competitions, we've kind of got a competition piled up.
The only thing we haven't really got is prizes.
We can figure out some.
There's always the Adam and Jo DVD.
Well, my one is Crap Commentary Corner.
Can I say crap?
Yeah.
Crap Commentary Corner.
I've basically spent hours going through film commentaries.
I've picked out some of the stupidest moments.
We play the clip.
People have to work out what film they're from.
Simple as that.
That's brilliant.
That is brilliant.
Yeah.
Good job, man.
Yeah.
And my one is called Mummification.
Right.
And it's basically my Ma, who you know, of course, but maybe the listeners don't.
And I thought, in a way, everyone knows your mum.
Exactly.
She's an uber-mum.
She's an uber-mum.
And, uh, she's got a tendency to ramble incoherently about all sorts of things, uh, that have come through the sort of daily mail filter of her mind.
Things from the world of pop culture that have penetrated the brains of the more senior citizen.
Yeah, because she's pushing 70 now.
In fact, she may be over 70.
Really?
And so, uh, I- Ricky Giggles Karl- Is she listening?
Steve- Uh, no, she can't hear, uh, she lives in Reading, and you can't get, um, XFM in Reading unless you're on digital, which she doesn't have.
Um, so, she- she basically has been rambling about stuff, and I will play people her rambles, and you'll have to guess what she's rambling on about.
Ricky- So what are we gonna do?
Are we gonna do a competition an hour or something?
Steve- Yeah, why not?
We could have, uh, we could- I dunno, who- who wants to go first?
Ricky- Maybe there's too many competitions.
Well, let's- let's do yours first.
Alright.
See how we go, because we've got ditties in the dock as well, and we might want to talk about some stuff.
Shall we just not play any music?
Yeah, why not?
Let's just play one record.
What are you going to talk about this week?
All kinds of stuff.
I want to, uh, ask about, uh, the best sex scenes, uh, in films that you actually watched the whole of.
So, not dirty, smutty films, but supposedly proper films that have filthy, fantastic, uh, smut in them.
Mmm.
So, uh, uh, if you've got one of your favorite films like that, perhaps you could, uh, email that to us.
Steve Laughs Steve Laughs
the whole of the film, rather than the whole of the sex scene.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The whole of the film.
Yeah.
That might be a bit dirty.
This is a family show.
Don't make it dirty, we'll keep it clean.
We're just warning people, don't make it dirty.
Speaking metaphors.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
I wanna talk about all sorts of stuff.
I've got a clothes problem I need to talk about.
And an ad, of course, favourite ads this week, rather than hateful ads.
Really?
We want to talk about.
Well, there's one that everyone's talking about, we won't mention it yet.
But I want to talk about that a bit later on.
Stick with us, Adam and Joe, on XFM.
That is Helicopter, by Block Party.
Incidentally, the show began with The Strokes, uh, The End Has No End, and Big Sur, by The Thrills.
Later on, we'll be playing The Maxstreet Preachers, Snow Patrol, Razorlight, Red Hot Chili Peppers, all sorts of good stuff.
And, bit of blur, Graham Cox and Zutons.
Also, a little, sort of, featurette.
which is called Shouting Classics.
I think each week we're gonna be playing a shouting classic, a song, a classic song that features some screaming or shouting in it.
And, uh, that's, again, something that you could email us with, your favourite shouting classic.
We'll be, uh, playing that a bit later on.
We're also unveiling the first of our new competitions, Mummification, uh, in, in, well, after the next song, I think, very shortly, within about ten minutes, so stay tuned for that.
Now, Joe, uh, Little Britain, did you watch that this week?
The first, uh, of the new series?
Yes.
Very enjoyable.
I re- it was the, you know, very rare- I enjoy lots of things on TV, but not that much actually makes you laugh out loud.
And it did, although, you know, some people have been saying, what are they- what are they doing?
They've pushed it too far.
They're gonna alienate their, uh, their massive amount of fans by being too freakishly gross with the whole thing.
Mm.
What do you think?
Uh, well, I think a lot, and I know a lot, but I don't know what I can say.
What can you- well, what the hell kind of answer is that?
Well, I've been doing the behind-the-scenes documentary for Series 2, so I've read all the scripts, and I was there for a lot of the shooting, and I've read all the stuff that was cut out for being too extreme.
A lot has been cut out.
Yeah.
Uh, and even more, I think, is gonna be cut out when he goes into one.
I think they're gonna snip and change some lines.
Oh, yeah.
Which is a weird thing, because apparently... I don't- you see, this is where I'm not sure what I should say and what I shouldn't say.
Well, just talk about- I know too much.
Talk about what we all know.
Well, it was very funny.
I think it's a great new series.
What made you laugh the most?
Uh...
I really like the puking- the racist pukers.
Even though that's, uh- that's Mr. Creosote, isn't it?
Not really.
From Monty Python's- No, because Creosote doesn't- his puking doesn't hinge on another gag.
He just eats so much that he pukes a lot.
Yeah, that's true.
This is more of an, you know, outward expression of, sort of, disgust at people and social things.
Yeah.
Uh, so it's got extra layers.
Yeah, that made me laugh.
The thing that made me laugh, uh...
Actually, pretty much all the really revolting stuff did actually make me laugh.
Which is unusual, because I'm not a big fan of the revolting.
A lot of stuff in the last series of Boat Selector, for example, just turned me off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But, uh, the big fat lady, the big fat lady suit.
Bubbles.
Um, that was funny, that made me laugh.
Because it was so brilliant, the suit was brilliant.
Mmm.
So well made, I couldn't believe it.
I was, and I did, there was a moment when I didn't know if they were gonna, you know, show the, uh, full nakedness, because I hadn't read anything about it.
And I was shocked when you did actually see it.
But I tell you, I think the funniest and cleverest ones are the ones with a character called Mr. Man, who walks into the shop, into the dating agency.
Has that one gone out yet?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Asks for a date.
Well, that was a fantastic one in a video shop that I think is in episode two.
And it was in, uh, series one with the Pirate Memory game.
Yeah, that was very good.
They're my favorites.
That was excellent.
And the one where Dave Walliams climbs on top of his mum and starts, um, suckling her breast.
Bitty.
Bitty.
That was excellent.
That sort of took me by surprise, even though, again, I think I had read about that one.
But when it actually happened, I was sort of knocked out.
But what happens, does that just happen every week, then?
No, well, in different ways.
Okay.
Well, we'll have to find out.
And when's your, when are we going to be able to see your behind the scenes thing?
Uh, you know, when there's a slot in the cinemas, really.
Yeah.
Is it gonna come out on the DVD, then?
When the Odie and Lester Square is free.
It'll certainly be on the DVD, yeah.
Yeah.
If they approve it.
It's a very intimate documentary.
Is it?
And it might be a bit too intimate.
How long is it?
I don't know yet.
Depends how much David and Matt cut out.
And why is it too intimate?
Because they're candid with each other and they have embarrassing arguments with each other and stuff like that?
No, because they're candid with me.
Yeah.
And, you know, if you have a professional documentary crew come and do a documentary, you sort of have a bit of distance and you edit yourself.
but if it's sort of a friend... Ricky That's right.
Steve You tend to forget the camera's there.
Ricky Well you and I have both done docs for big comedy sensations.
I did one on the League of Gentlemen as well.
And I know what you're talking about because I think they said quite a few things that they probably regretted afterwards.
Although they were happy when they turned up in the doc.
There were one or two things that did have to come out because they don't censor themselves either very much, the League.
Anyway, we're gonna be right back after this next track with a new competition.
Mummification.
Stand by your phones and you will be able to win... what can you win?
I don't know.
What is it, Lila?
Tickets?
A pair of tickets to the Bees at the Electric Ballroom.
That would be good.
I wouldn't mind going.
And, uh... what's that?
Uh... a monster DVD.
What, of a film monster?
I don't- she wants me to give away these books.
Do you want me to- no.
Oh, good, because I want those books.
Okay, and of course there's always the, uh, you know, the Adam and Jo DVD.
I gave them all away last week.
Did you?
I panicked.
I've got a couple left, so I might be able to go give those away.
Right now, here's some music.
That's Snow Patrol with How To Be Dead.
This is Adam and Jo on XFM.
Ricky and Steve laugh Steve laughs
Well, yeah, but, you know, overall- Steve Wright was the best DJ ever on Radio 1 when he was- Let's do the quiz.
Okay, so this is called mummification.
Basically, my mum, uh, is- you know, she's not listening, so I can tell you that she's- she's fairly old, uh, about 70, and she tends to ramble about things that she's read in the Daily Mail, or I don't know what, uh, and she's got some fairly forthright opinions about, uh, things in the pop culture sphere.
Now, she's talking about a singer today, okay?
Uh, and I'm not gonna tell you any more than that.
All you have to do, it's very simple, is guess which well-known singer she's talking about.
And it's easy.
We're starting with an easy one this week.
If you think you know who my mum is going on about, just phone 0871 222 1049.
0871 222 1049.
If you can tell me what my ma is prattling on about.
Now, you're going to have to listen quite closely because she doesn't speak very loudly.
Here she comes.
He looks like a mummy.
I mean, it's grotesque that he should still be wandering around the world giving concerts, so-called entertaining people.
He should be asleep in his coffin by now and only emerging at night when no one can see him.
And he's got this girlfriend who's about ten feet tall.
And it comes up to her waist.
She's so tall.
That he's had to have the floor in the basement lowered so that she doesn't hit her head.
Honestly, you couldn't invent it.
Oh, God.
I'm a mummy.
Oh, OK, yeah, I forgot.
Well, if you know who that was, then just call 0871 222 1049.
You could win tickets to go and see the Bees at the Electric Ballroom on the 28th of October.
That will be a fantastic gig and well worth phoning in for.
Just phone us anyway if you know who my Ma was talking about.
We'll be right back after this.
That's the love of Richard Nixon from the Man Extreme Creatures.
Fantastic.
I like that more and more each time I hear it.
It's Adam and Jo on XFM.
Right, it's time to, uh, announce the winner of our mummification competition.
Before, uh, Manic Street Preachers, we played a little bit of my mum rambling about a well-known aged singer.
Uh, she was talking about him being too old to perform and he should be in a coffin and he's got a very tall girlfriend for whom he has lowered the floor of his basement flat.
But who is that singer?
Now, we've got a couple of people on the line.
Who's first, Joe?
We've got Mike.
Hello, Mike.
Hey, Mike.
Hello, Adam and Joe.
How you doing?
Hello, Mike.
Hey, how you doing?
You sound like a perky person.
Who do you think my mum was going on about?
I think it was Marilyn Manson.
How do you get Marilyn Manson from that?
Actually, no, I can see that because of... What was that?
Let's let the man speak.
It was the mummification.
It was the mummy.
You look like a mummy.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
But his girlfriend, she was talking about him having a girlfriend who's ten feet tall.
That's not the case with Manson, is it?
I don't know, I don't know him at all, I just- I'd seen a picture and I thought, that's the guy.
Must be the right answer.
Mike, I'm afraid you're wrong.
Sorry about that, Mike.
Mike, is that rea- are you gutted?
I-I am gutted, I am hurt, I am- That's terrible, isn't it?
I don't know if I'm gonna recover this weekend.
No, I mean, we've really ruined your weekend.
Listen, we're really sorry.
You will recover.
Don't do anything stupid.
And, uh, thanks so much for calling, we appreciate your call.
Who's next, Jo?
Jo is next.
Hello, Jo.
Hello!
Hi, how are you?
I'm alright, thank you, how are you?
I'm okay.
I'm good.
Yeah.
Uh, so who do you think it was that Adam's mum was going on about?
I think it was Nick Jagger.
Why?
Because he-he is old and looks like a mummy and has very tall girlfriend, I think?
Do you know the name of his girlfriend?
Well, I was thinking it was Geri Hall.
No, that's his old wife.
Listen, I can tell you, Joe, that you are, in this case, correct.
That was who my mum was going on about.
And I think the name of Jagger's girlfriend at the moment is Lorraine.
And it's spelt L apostrophe W R E N. Lorraine.
She's a big tall model.
I don't know if she is ten foot.
Do you think she's just done that herself?
Just knocked a couple of letters out and put an apostrophe?
So could you be called
Uh, well, it wouldn't really work with your name, would it?
Am.
Uh, just knock the D out, put an apostrophe.
Am.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A apostrophe M. I could be J apostrophe E's, yeah.
Uh, see, Jo, you've only got two letters in your name.
What's your full name, Jo?
Um, Joanne.
Joanne.
You could be... Jeanne.
Steve laughs Steve laughs Steve laughs
So old school.
I love it.
I'm working the staff.
There's another competition coming up within the next twenty minutes.
Yeah, it's Competition City.
We're trying out a few new competitions.
I think what we might do is roll our competitions.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Well, how do you roll a competition?
Well, because you try different ones out and they keep rolling around.
Like a new one.
Oh, I see.
Like maybe we'll have, maybe we'll have mummification.
I thought we might race them down a hill.
No.
Mummification one week, maybe commentaries next week, maybe even celebrity regression.
Depends what's popular with the listeners.
This is very much a listener-driven show.
Absolutely.
It's very interactive in that respect.
Now, we're gonna be, uh, talking about adverts very shortly.
I-I really wanna talk about an ad that a lot of people are talking about.
And, uh, right now, I'm gonna unveil another small feature, featurette.
Shouting classics.
Right.
Every week, I'm gonna play a shouting classic, a song that contains some fantastic screaming and shouting.
And we're starting with a very strong contender for the all-time shouting classic crown, and it's, of course, the Foo Fighters.
that's Vice by Razor Light.
He gives out his mobile phone number at the end there, does he?
I bet it's just got some sort of a sales line on the other end.
Selling Razor Light singles.
If you listen carefully at the end, he does give out, he says, phone me on my mobile, the number's, oh, want something, and then, I can't remember what the number was.
Well, we should, we should work it out and call it.
Yeah, that's not a bad idea.
Yeah, that's quite a bad idea.
So, Joe, what's the ad that everyone, the nation, has taken to their hearts?
I don't know what you're going on about.
It's not the stupid Guinness one.
I like the stupid Guinness one.
Which is the stupid Guinness one?
Well, where they get the prisoner, the sexy prisoner, and take him to a prison with no walls, no bars.
Uh, which- and he has to tame a wild stallion.
I haven't seen that one.
And he just lets the wild stallion go.
And then he fight- and then they say, well, you let it free.
You- you set it free.
You catch it.
so he- he finds it in a- in a lake and bonds with it and rides it away then no doubt gets very pissed off on Guinness and, uh, sells the horse to buy some smack.
Ricky and Steve laugh.
Steve laughs.
uh, who are polluting the world.
Karl- They're trying to go greener, though, the diesel- Steve- Yeah, but that's such a lame tactic, isn't it?
Stuff your advert full of bunnies and- it might as well be something out of the Parallax View, one of those brainwashing films.
With little bunnies and rainbows and s- it's- plus, it's treating people like infants.
Karl- In what way?
Steve- They might as well just get the Teletubbies to go, uh-oh!
Driving car good!
Driving car good!
Pollution is good!
Wee-dee-dee-dee-doo!
like that.
They're saying pollution's bad.
They want to change the thing to lower fuel emission.
Yeah, but, um, yeah, mmm.
I know what you mean.
You're right, of course.
At the end of the day, it's like when BP turned all of their, um, garages green.
Oh, people say we pollute things, so let's paint everything green.
That's right.
It works.
It's a logo, like a flower.
It actually works.
Our logo is like a flower.
That was Shell, wasn't it?
Who changed the logo, I think.
I can't remember.
So you like the ad, do you?
Change something, make it... hate something?
Hate something, change something, uh... make it better.
I've got all the lyrics here.
How has this been taken... listeners, has this been taken to your hearts?
People love it, man, I went onto the... Who are people?
I went... lots of people, I went onto the internet.
And there's a load of sites... The internet, they're not real people on the internet.
Well, you'd be... They'd be loonies.
You'd be surprised.
But there's a lot of people and they are raving about it.
And it is catchy, you can't deny the power of the ad.
I mean, they're on to something pretty good there.
The combination of the tune with the little whistly bit, it's Garrison Keillor, who's an American humorist, a writer, I think, he wrote it for the New Yorker.
And what's he got to do with that ad?
Uh, he sings it.
Hey, something, June, something, that's his voice.
I don't know if he came up with the tune or not.
And, inevitably, they'll release the tune, I would imagine, at some stage, and then the whole thing will take another depressing turn.
But, for the sheer power and artistry of the ad, the actual graphics, the way it's all put together, it's quite amazing, don't you think?
Ricky No.
Steve Not impressed?
Ricky No.
Steve Not impressed at all?
Ricky No.
Steve I think it's a beautiful job.
You're not impressed on principle, because it's- Ricky No, no, no, I didn't think it was that- that- it's nice animation.
Yeah, it's well done.
It's very influenced by Japanese folk, isn't it?
Japanese artists.
Steve I think it is a Japanese artist who did it.
Ricky Yeah, and so therefore- yeah, it's derivative.
I don't know, I just- Steve Even if it is a Japanese guy.
Ricky It's not principle, I just- I just feel- you know, when an advert's good, but it's for something that's kind of wrong, it makes me even more upset.
Yeah, I know what you're saying.
Well, it's hard, it's hard to enjoy the thing.
I wish it was for a pop video or something, you know what I mean?
And then you can kind of indulge in the artistry and not feel too bad about it.
Even though it's just, you know, this is a capitalist society.
Now, self-watching about it, that's a different matter.
Yeah, exactly.
That's great, that's a great product.
Yeah, oh boy, well that only got seen a
A couple of times.
It was no hate something, change something, I tell you that.
No.
Have you got any favourite ads at the moment?
Yeah, the one I like best, it's not very appropriate but I think it's very powerful, is the new NSPCC advert.
With the man with a ventriloquist dummy of a little girl.
Have you seen that?
Yeah, that's creepy.
It is genuinely really creepy.
It's a bit like that Anthony Hopkins film, Magic.
Oh, that was on the other night.
But they try really hard to upset you with adverts like that.
It's like the quest for, um, road safety adverts.
And ciggy adverts.
And ciggy adverts.
And- and I think that one with the ventriloquist dummy really works.
There's another very funny, uh, road safety advert.
I don't know whether you've seen it.
It's a kind of a fake hip-hop ad.
With a- a rapper called Lil- Lil Big.
And it's like it- and when you look at it first, it's just a poster for Lil Big's new album.
Uh, I don't know.
I can't remember what it's called.
Uh, but then it says cancelled across it.
because he was hit by a car.
Ricky Oh dear.
Steve At age 14.
Ricky Oh no.
Steve Yeah.
But uh I really like it when they try and reach the kids.
Ricky I know.
Steve With adverts like that.
Ricky Yeah.
It's weird though I don't know um I don't know how effective they are because you know especially with the NSPCC ones you sort of think is that really gonna change someone's mind if they're sort of uh you know confused and and
Sick enough to actually be hurting children.
Are they gonna watch those ads and think- Who knows, who knows.
Maybe I shouldn't.
Who knows.
Hope so, obviously.
Hope they are effective.
But anyway, there you go.
You can't really get better than the Little Hedgehogs, though, crossing the road for road safety.
Oh yeah, well they kinda cleaned up the little guy's voice, cos he sang it so badly.
What was the song he sang?
I can't remember.
But I'll never forget the Little Hedgehogs.
Bring back the Little Hedgehogs.
I think they're for charm.
In safety adverts.
Yeah.
Not shock.
I'm trying to remember the song.
If you can remember the song, the little hedgehogs sound really badly out of tune.
Listen, we've got another competition coming up any second.
It's crap commentary.
Oh, I didn't say that right, really, did I?
It's the crap commentary competition.
We're going to play you an excerpt from a commentary track of a major movie in about five minutes' time.
You've got to tell me what the movie is.
It's a good extract.
So, stay tuned.
Yeah, stay tuned here on XFM right now.
Here's some music.
From...
do me bad things.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
It's time for our second, count them, not one but two competitions this week.
One, two.
And this competition is called... This is called the Crap Commentary Competition.
The number is 0871 222 1049.
You could win, wait for it, a special collector's edition of the film Monster.
and it's signed- Ricky and Steve laugh Steve And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it's signed- Ricky And it
But, uh, anyway, you could win it.
It's one of those sort of Oscar-winning, monster-based films, like Monster's Ball.
Yeah.
But you don't really want to see this.
Never the right time for Monster.
Anyway, we don't want to do down the prize.
Yeah.
Because this is a good competition.
No, it's a great prize.
It's a good competition.
So we're gonna play you a clip from, uh, a commentary track from a major film.
Uh, so you- all you have to do is call 0871-222-1049.
Tell us what film, uh, is being commented on by this man.
I'll give you a clue, he's the producer of the film.
uh and he is kind of it's one of those commentary moments where they've sort of run out of things to say and he's generally just trying to be a good guy and and fill in you know just just just fill in dead air now is this a film that came out uh this year i'm not gonna tell you adam oh really it's quite hot though okay fair enough this year it came out this year yeah okay
Uh, so it's a recent film, uh, here's an excerpt from the commentary by the producer, 0871-222-1049, if you know, uh, what film this guy's commentating over.
Listen to this.
Bum, bum, bum, bum.
Here comes that music.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
It's getting exciting now.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
Oh, here we go, it's getting exciting.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
Bum, bum.
Um, um, here comes the big music again.
I'm singing again.
La la la la la la.
What a lunatic.
How's he allowed to produce, uh, turds?
This guy's a big film producer.
When I read you the list of what that man has produced, you won't believe it.
Wow.
So if you know who that guy is talking about, 0871- Oh, hey, hey, hey.
What film?
Sorry, what film?
0871-222-1049.
Now, we've got another clip.
Do you want to play that now?
I- what do you think?
Are the phone lines lighting up?
Is the other clip gonna make it more clear?
The other clip might make it a bit- the other clip- well, let's play the other clip.
Okay.
The other clip is a moment where this producer and the director, uh, are getting a bit annoyed with each other, because the producer, who you just heard, thinks he's quite funny, and he's taking the mickey out of some of the characters in the film, and listen to how the director gets annoyed with him and sort of politely tells him to shut up.
Whoa.
What are we gonna do?
There's that genius president again.
What should we do?
What about the people in the north?
There's the genius vice president and there's the Secretary of State.
Where should they go?
What do you think we should do mr. Vice President, what should we do?
Oh, what do you think we should do?
What do you think we should do
Yeah, funny guy.
Mr. Funny Guy Producer.
Let it alone.
Let it alone.
Will you shut up, you freak?
What film are they talking about?
0871 2222 1049 to win a copy of Monster, one of the films of the year.
Signed copy.
Signed copy, yeah.
With our fake signatures on it.
We'll be right back with the winner after this.
It's Adam and Joe on XFM, London's 104.9, uh... What was that ad?
That was Mercury Rev.
That's a new one from them.
First single, uh, to be taken from their sixth album, The Secret Migration, out in January 2005.
Terrific stuff.
Mm.
Mm.
Yeah.
Can you- can we hear this, uh, the crap commentary clip again?
The first one, that I like to call bum bum bum bum.
Here comes that music.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
It's getting exciting now.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
Oh, here we go.
It's getting exciting.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
Bum, bum, bum, bum.
Here comes the big music again.
I'm singing again.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
What a loony.
He is the most annoying person in the world.
La la la la la.
He's a famous loony.
He's excited about the music like a-
Tiny Charles, as if he's never seen a film before, even though he's one of Hollywood's most successful producers.
Have we got Brian on the line?
Hello, Brian.
Oh, hello there, how you doing?
Very well, how are you doing?
Uh, mostly bad, thanks.
What an appalling day it is today, isn't it?
Yeah, pretty nasty, yeah.
Absolute rubbish.
Yeah.
Um, so, anyway, you know, it's good to talk about the weather and stuff.
Yeah.
But, uh, what do you think, uh, that is from?
Uh, I thought it was from Feinheit 9-11, actually.
And what makes you think that?
Uh, well, the second part that you played.
Okay, the bit where he is... I'm talking about the President.
Talking about the President.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so, who do you think that could be, the producer of Fahrenheit 9-11?
I think it could be Michael Moore, yeah, yeah.
Michael Moore, just, uh, who's made a very political film, and then on the commentary he goes, Bum-ba-bum, here comes the music!
Think that's likely, Brian?
Come on!
It's not likely, is it?
Michael Moore, he'd be ranting on his commentaries, not just going, look at the President.
I know, that's fairly true, the second one is feasible.
Yeah, that's right.
He'd be saying, on December 25th, the President of the United- It's stuff like that.
Yeah.
Brian, thanks so much for calling, man, but you're wrong.
Sorry, Brian, thanks a lot for your call.
Now we've got John on the line.
Hello, John.
Hi.
Hello.
How are you?
Yeah, very well, thank you.
Are you a robot or are you calling on a mobile phone?
No, I'm sorry, I am calling on a mobile.
Okay.
You sound like a robot.
I'm going to imagine that you are a robot.
Robots aren't allowed on the competition.
Yeah.
Because they know everything and they've got powers.
And you're going to rebel against humanity soon.
I can iRobot.
I haven't seen iRobot.
Yeah, good thing too, it's rubbish.
John.
John, hello, are you still there?
Yeah, still here, yeah.
Hang up through boredom.
Um, what film do you think that commentary's from, John?
I think- I think it's The Day After Tomorrow.
What makes you think that?
Uh, cos I saw the film on a recent trip to Los Angeles.
Right.
Ooh.
And, uh, did you, uh, have you listened to the commentary?
second part of the commentary talks about the people in the North, and I remember that scene from the film.
So you've actually, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, John, you're correct.
Absolutely right, John.
Well done.
It is a producer called Mark Gordon, who produced The Day After Tomorrow, and he also made The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The Patriots, Saving Private Ryan, Speed 2, and Speed.
I'm looking forward to his commentary for Saving Private Ryan.
Slufkin' all the guys, running up the beach, bang, bang, bang, ooh, they've been shot, ooh, dear, my arm's fallen off.
That kind of thing.
Do you think, John?
Hello?
Hello.
You're just tolerating this program, aren't you?
John, listen, thanks a lot for calling in, you were absolutely correct, and your prize, a copy of Monster, is winging its way to you.
Have you seen Monster, John?
I haven't, no.
Well, there you go.
Now you can.
Thank you.
And imagine what the commentary on that is like.
I would like to hear his, uh... Can you imagine?
Now she's gonna kill somebody.
Her face has been dramatically transformed.
So that was it.
Was that a successful competition?
Two successful competitions.
I've got some very good ones for the next couple of weeks as well.
Oh, man.
I've been trawling my DVD collection and I've found some idiotic behaviour on commentaries.
That is a great one.
Listeners could suggest stuff, couldn't they?
If you've listened to a DVD commentary and you've heard a particularly annoying or strange bit of behaviour by somebody, then do email us adamandjoe at xfm.co.uk or text us 83XFM and maybe we could use it in future weeks.
Then you can ring in, get it right, get the competition.
Bish bash bosh.
Yeah.
Sweet as.
Due to phenomenal public demand, news are now playing two nights at Earl's Court on Sunday 19th and Monday 20th of December.
This follows the success of their platinum selling album Absolution and stunning Glastonbury headline performance.
Tickets are available from the XFM Exchange on 08712221049 or online at xfm.co.uk XFM's London.
Thanks Lenny, it says at the bottom.
Is that okay?
There you go.
We have to read that out.
Two Nights at Earl's Court, 19th and 20th of December for Muse.
That's my birthday.
The 20th of December, that's my birthday.
Why don't you go along, man?
Because I want to have a good day.
I must say, that song was a bit depressing for such a rainy day.
Yeah, but if you're 12, you know, and the world seems a bad place.
Yeah.
That was a little bit of music there for the Muse announcement, I'm gonna fade that out now.
Thanks for everybody who texted in to say that the Hedgehogs sing King of the Road in that act.
That's right.
and, uh, KING OF THE WORLD!
We've got an amazingly responsive audience out there, Adam and Joe listeners, very knowledgeable.
And the number at the end of the Razorlight song, he gives out a mobile phone number, apparently if you call it, you just hear the song, or it says, the mailbox you have called is full.
But apparently they've done that on Christian O'Connell's, uh, breakfast show.
So there you go.
You know, so we've gotta go deeper, we've gotta think of, think of, you know, cleverer things
Steve laughs Ricky laughs Steve laughs Steve laughs Ricky laughs
Ricky and Steve laugh Steve laughs
Oh, I didn't even know that.
Yeah, well we used to have them at our school.
School zines?
Yeah.
Oh, well there were some horrible ones at our school, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, the greycoat school has one called The Coatrack, I was listening to it, and it's just got pages and pages on, of newspaper articles about politics.
Wow.
Yeah, well the ones that we had at our school were all stuff like, um, Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish are weeds and we should beat them up.
Weeds, they were the nice ones.
Uh, I tell you the other thing that's really good in school mags are the sort of letters and poems and essays pages.
Yeah, exactly.
The creative writing section.
The creative writing.
They are amazing.
There's, there's one in, no I can't really talk about that.
Well I'm gonna bring in, uh, a mag next week that, um,
is just fantastic, from my school- my sister's school, and it's got some really good poems, like, properly good, but funny, but written by about ten-year-olds and nine-year-olds.
Steve Right.
Karl And some of them are just genius.
Steve Did you ever get anything in a school magazine?
Karl Yeah, I've got a few pictures in there.
Steve Well, maybe next week we'll bring in our poem, because I got a couple of things.
I got- I wrote an article about Venice.
Steve laughs.
Steve laughs.
So listen, if you've got school mags that you can afford to send in, uh, then please send them to Adam Buxton and Joe Cornish, Adam and Joe, uh, at XFM, and the address is… Ricky hums tune.
The address is XFM, number 30, Leicester Square, WC2H, 7CA.
Steve laughs.
Yeah, come on, no one ever- if you're a successful DJ, you're supposed to have little fans outside the door, you never have anybody.
Successful being the operative word.
Well, I'm just trying to engineer the- the accoutrements of success by encouraging people to come and meet us outside the studio.
You be warm, we will just go, yeah, yeah, yeah, sign things and then walk off.
But it'll make us feel good.
Hey, uh, I- I got recognized the other day, made my day, I was in, um, HMV or Taft, some big record shop.
Yeah.
and the guy behind the counter sort of blushed and recognised me and shook my hand.
It just made me so happy, I can't tell you.
So I was kind of floating on a high and as I was leaving the shop someone said,
and uh, so I sort of thought, oh, recognize again.
So I kind of, you know, didn't even look and just sort of waved and then went off and then I got a text about five minutes later from a friend of mine saying, why did you ignore me?
Steve Chuckles Ricky Laughs Steve Chuckles Ricky Chuckles Ricky Chuckles Ricky Chuckles Ricky Chuckles
You mentioned this last week, didn't you?
Did I?
I think so, yeah.
Go on, what's it called?
Didn't I do this already?
I don't think you spoke about it very much, but you mentioned it.
Westlife's new album of Sinatra covers is called Allow Us To Be Frank.
Yeah, brilliant.
Uh, which begs the idea for Blue to do a cover album called Permit Us To Be Gay.
Karl- Marvin Gaye covers.
Steve- Oh, okay, yeah, that's good.
Karl- Permit Us To Be Gay.
I didn't, uh... Steve- Yeah.
Karl- Yeah.
I couldn't think of any others.
I was working on Blazing Squad.
What would their, um... Steve- Permit Us To Be Crap.
Karl- No, well, there's no artist called Crap, Adam.
Steve- I'm sorry.
Karl- I swear you've let the joke down.
I haven't, yeah.
I didn't think it through.
Come on, but permit us to be gay is good, isn't it?
That is very good.
Let's think of some more while we play another song.
We've got Ditties in the Dock coming up.
In the next ten minutes, Joe and I will be battling it out for who gets to play- Will we?
So soon?
The last song.
Yeah, man, it's already twenty to- well, twenty-five to three.
Who gets to play the last song of the show.
We're gonna be arguing about that shortly.
And then, of course, you've got JUSTIN LEE COLLINS COMING UP HANDBALL!
It is mad!
It is mad!
I can't believe it!
That's Ed Harcourt, born in the 70s.
That's, uh, a new single from him.
That's fantastic, very enjoyable.
I saw Ed Harcourt the other day at a anti-Bush benefit gig, right?
Ricky and Steve laugh Steve Right.
Uh, it was a good gig.
Stuart Lee was doing a bit of stand-up there, and Robin Hitchcock was singing.
and Ed Harcourt was fantastic, came on and did a version of a song called Political Science by Randy Newman.
Anyway, that's a little by the by.
If you're watching, uh, what is this called?
Young Sherlock Holmes and the Pyramids of Fear?
Something like that.
Yeah.
Lots of people are texting in to say that they think I look like Sherlock Holmes.
Young Sherlock, you do.
Young Sherlock.
A little bit.
Yeah, handsome, handsome, handsome man.
And young Sherlock's sidekick looks exactly like Harry Potter.
Really?
He looks a bit like you, Adam.
Thanks very much.
Yeah.
Ricky laughs.
Why did you do that?
Because I just so badly wanted it.
I at least wanted to talk as if I... because when you think you're going to get something like that, when you're a kid, you just imagine boasting about it.
That's the main thing is going to be boasting about it.
So I thought, well, if they're not going to give it to me, at least I'll just boast about it by lying.
You retired into a kind of fantasy world.
Yeah.
I told them I'd got the role as the villain, who I guessed would be Moriarty, from the classic Sherlock Holmes books, even though it isn't.
How did you feel after you'd lied?
Well, I still- it's a black part of my past.
Yeah.
It's one of those moments from my youth that, you know, I'd like to go back and change, even though I doubt it- the hairdresser didn't give a flying monkey box.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Anyway, so is it time for Diddy's in the Dock?
Certainly is.
Okay, now your theory is that whoever goes first wins.
Yeah.
Well, hmm.
Can I go first this week, please?
Well, then you win!
No, because your theory's wrong, because I went first a couple of times and I lost.
Alright, we're not going to take any calls until both songs have been announced.
Don't dial until both songs have been announced.
Yeah.
Then that'll get the glitch, deal with the glitch.
Okay, now we're doing a couple of proper songs this week, i.e.
not novelty songs, is that right?
Yeah, and the idea of Digit in the Dock, if you're a new listener, is Adam and I have one for you to play per show.
Uh, you get to choose what it is.
Adam pitches a song, I pitch a song, you call in, uh, vote for which one you want.
Best of five wins.
So, I'm gonna- I'm going for some Beach Boys today, because it's, uh, horrible and disgusting out there, and depressing, and I thought this might bring a bit of sunshine into people's rainy worlds.
Uh, it's a classic track from the Beach Boys that doesn't get played,
Uh, that often.
People usually play, like, I Get Around, or, uh, California Dreaming, or, um, you know, the other famous one.
Which I can't remember.
Good vibrations, there you go.
This is Help Me Rhonda, that I want you to vote for, though.
Help me Rhonda, help, help me Rhonda.
And you've got to sing your one as well, Joe.
Bow, bow, bow, bow.
Help me Rhonda, help me- I wish you could see the look on Joe's face.
It's the look that says, you're not cool.
Nothing about you is cool.
You're like a jerk.
But I don't care, because it's a good song.
It's one of the best by the Beach Boys, in my opinion.
So vote for Help Me Rhonda by the Beach Boys.
What have you got, Joe?
I've got a single by Corner Shop, featuring Bubbly Quar.
And I thought this was going to be a massive hit when I first heard it.
It's a lovely bouncy bhangra track.
And it sort of vanished.
When did it come out?
Uh, well, I think, uh, about four months ago.
Which one is this?
Uh, what, what?
What's the name of the song?
It's called Topknot.
That's off their first album, isn't it?
Are you sure?
Uh, no, what, is it?
I thought it was another one.
I'm not sure, I bought it as a single quite recently.
We're not sure about that.
Can you sing us a little bit?
Yeah.
Uh.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
Song.
They need to play both at once, they might mix well.
0871 222 1049 0871 222 1049 will take the best of five.
Between the Beach Boys and Corner Shop!
the Zootons, uh, and it's called Don't Ever Think Too Much.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM, and, uh, we've got- we're gonna be resolving Ditties in the Dock very shortly.
Shall we do it now, in fact?
Karl- Yeah.
Ricky- Aren't we supposed to play out with our Ditties in the Dock, though?
We've still got ten minutes to go.
Well, no, I think we should play it and then- and then just talk a little bit until Justin turns up.
Karl- Okay, then.
with his massive wet beard and his hair.
Steve Laughs Ricky Laughs
It is Dick Is In The Dark, uh, the segment of the show where you choose which song we get to play in our free play.
Uh, this week it is the Beach Boys versus Corner Shop.
Which song from the Beach Boys, Adam?
Help Me Rhonda.
Help, help me Rhonda, help me Rhonda, help, help me Rhonda.
And, uh, from Corner Shop, it's Topknot, featuring Bubbly Quar, uh, which is a m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m
So, we've got Spike on line one.
Is that Spike?
Does that say Spike?
Hello Spike, how are you doing?
Do you work in Chislehurst Caves?
Do you work in Chislehurst Caves?
In a closed room?
Are you a serial killer?
I'd like to be.
Would you?
Well done, Spike.
No, no, no, no, no.
Listen, Spike, what are you voting for?
Is it going to be the Beach Boys or is it Corner Shop?
Er, it's got to be Corner Shop.
Good one, Spike.
Thank you, Spike.
Thank you.
Well done, well done.
What does it call, Spike?
You know, the Beach Boys, they're successful.
They're hugely successful.
Corner Shop, they need your support.
Is that your mobile phone going off, Madame Buxton?
Yeah, it is.
That's terrible.
Okay, Marcus.
Marcus, are you on the line?
Hello, Marcus.
Speak to us, Marcus.
Are you there?
Oh, he's hung up.
Has he hung up?
I don't know.
Well, hello, Marcus.
Hello, is he there?
Yeah, I'm here.
Okay, good to speak to you, Marcus.
How are you doing today?
Yeah, I'm doing great.
I'm out at South End with the wife, doing some shopping.
South End.
Is South End as miserable as London is today?
Uh, probably just as, yeah.
Man, London is horrible.
It's grey and dark and... We were having a really good laugh about the, uh, the Westmarch, can we be frank thing.
have you thought of any other albums?
we came up with a few of our own yeah we thought um the rolling stones do Neil young called can we be young excellent very good um boy george does joe strummer called can i clash hey i like it a bit more the other one um bc boys do barry white can we be white
Nice!
Man, he's got the gist of it.
Well, they could do Frank Black, they could do Cameron B. Black.
His wife gives all the credit.
She thought of him.
Very good.
Well done, wife.
You've married a very intelligent and clever woman.
Adam Buxton!
So Marcus, what are you voting for?
Corner Shop or Beach Boys?
No question.
No question.
It's got to be the Beach Boys.
And I know you got to go first with that, but I'm sorry, you know.
Beach Boys over Corner Shop on a miserable day like today.
Alright, man.
Fair enough.
Thank you, Marcus.
Thanks for listening, thanks for calling, thanks for those excellent, uh, ideas.
Let's go to Jesse.
So, it's one all, isn't it?
Cornershop have got one, Beach Boys have got one.
Uh, this is nice, we've got a little more time to subject that to our callers.
Jesse's just fallen over.
Jesse?
Yeah?
Are you alright?
Yeah, yeah, I'm okay.
What are you doing, Jesse?
Uh, I was just unlocking the garage so I could switch the radio off.
Yeah.
what I'm gonna vote for.
Right, wow, that's a big garage.
Okay, Jessie, it's between Corner Shop and the Beach Boys, which are you gonna go for?
It's gotta be the Beach Boys.
Ooh, yes.
What's happening?
It's too hard for the Beach Boys.
So, basically, Lila, you're writing, what letter is that?
Is that Dan?
Is that Dan?
That's not a D. Hello, Dan.
Hello.
How are you?
So, Dan, you realise you've got, don't tell us what it is, but you realise you've got the deciding vote here.
The pressure's on.
I feel like that's serial killer.
You've got enormous power.
If it's the Beach Boys you're voting for, it's all over for Cornershop.
Which is it gonna be, Dan?
Cornershop!
Joe Cornishop has been Cornishop busted and I did actually hear that track when I was loading it up and it sounded brilliant.
I tell you what, I'll use it as my free play next week.
Okay, good one.
Top knot by Cornishop, not voted for by sufficiently large numbers of people on Ditches in the Dock this week.
Thank you very much everyone who called in but we're gonna play out this week with the Beach Boys and Help Me Rhonda will be back in just one second to say goodbye but first here's a bit of sunshine from the wonderful beaches.
come on you can't beat the beach boys
Hey, uh, I've mispronounced the, um, Cornershop song.
Uh, it's not Quar, or whatever I said, it's pronounced Cor.
Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh
30, uh, XFM, 30 Leicester Square, WC2H7LA, uh, to Adam and Joe.
Ricky and Steve chuckle Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh
He, Alex Zane and, um, Jimmy Carr are the hardest working men in show business.
Really?
Yeah.
XFM DJs, they get around.
Really.
In fact, we're the only people that aren't on TV at the moment.
Speak for yourself, mate.
What are you on?
Oh, everything.
I'm usually hiding behind things.
Headjam you're on.
Is that still going out?
Uh, we'll see you next week!
Thanks for listening!
Bye!
Thanks for listening, lots of love, bye!